This is what many women picture when they dream of their adventure into mommy-hood. The truth is very different from this. First, let me say that being a mom is the hardest job I have ever done in my life with the best most awesome rewards. I love my children with all my heart and soul but most days I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to accomplish. Some days I totally forget to eat until I start getting dizzy and remember that the cup of coffee I drank at lighting speed at 7am does not count as a meal and oh by the way it is 2pm so maybe it is time to eat something before I pass out. My three year old is in a throwing phase and things can get very dangerous in my home. I have gotten very agile and great at dogging flying objects while carrying an infant in one arm and dragging a toddler to timeout with the other. Everything is a constant work in progress from meals to laundry. Some times I am so tired I can't sleep. I lay in bed and think about how tomorrow I will get a step ahead...yeah, sounds crazy but this is an actual problem I have. Well, dreamers can dream.
Being a mommy I have learned how to relax and take a deep breath..I have learned to let go of my expectations of what being a mom is. I have learned that my son eating a PB&J sandwich for dinner is not a bad thing. I have learned that a messy kitchen doesn't make me a bad mom but the fun we had coating my kitchen in flour while making cookies is what makes me an AMAZING mother! I will skip a homemade meal to got to the pumpkin patch and we will eat pizza for dinner and sometimes pancakes for dinner are awesome and so easy, might I add. Life is messy and while I may never be one step ahead of the game my babies love me and we are making memories.
Somehow no matter how crazy and hectic the day get it all seems to melt away when my babies smile at me or we can have a 10 minute tickle giggle fight.
I want to share with you another story of mommy-hood from one of my amazing JuneBug mommies Marian Willis.
"If you have ever browsed the kids section of Pinterest, you know the common representation of parenthood (specifically mommyhood). It's a crafty, sparkly, loving, creative, and I have never in my life met anyone who has time for any of that bullshit. Oh, don't get me wrong, I pin stuff. I like to pretend that I will be a certain type of mom. The type that plans crafts, and then actually makes it to the craft store, buys the right supplies, and (this step is key) actually DOES the craft. Of course, this fantasy includes a cooperative child (adorably clad in a craft apron that has her name stenciled on it) and a maid to clean up whatever mess may occur. I do try, in a half assed sort of way. We color (with crayons stored in a ziploc bag, although all those pretty mason jars full of markers sorted by colors call to me), on a good day she'll get a scavenger hunt nature walk, and occasionally there are chocolate chip cookies or brownies baked. Mostly I fall far, far short of the pretty pictures I pin.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have amazing, easy kids. A 4 month old, Cordelia, who slept through the night pretty much from the get go, and who barely cries except when she is hungry or wet. A 3.5 year old, Finn, who is an articulate, funny, reasonably good little girl. I really have it easy compared to some moms, but there are bad days (weeks even), and we should not be afraid to talk about the bad ones.
Yesterday, I put myself in time out. Cordelia was annoying all day, not hysterical, but whiney unless she was being held. Finn is getting a cold, which, for her, means she is an emotional wreck. It was a long, virtually napless day, made longer by the fact that my husband was at work (which although I want to hate him for being gone, I can't reasonable object to this), then came home for a hour or so (during which he took Finn into our room to watch a movie, then fell asleep, leaving me with both kids still), and then went off to play darts (because he's in a dart league, which is in fact a real thing, I checked). Somewhere around 7pm, after yet another round of "Mama, I woke Cordelia up and now she's crying! Make her stop crying! Mama, she's crying!! MAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA", I almost lost my shit. In my head, I screamed loud and long, because I was just so tired of being needed, but kept it in my head because I honestly couldn't stand anymore crying, even if it was me. Since my grip on sanity was very slippery, I decided I needed a time out. I walked over to the time out steps and sat down (replacing Cordelia's nukie on the way, which is all she really wanted anyway). Finn immediately followed me there and stared at me like I had gone crazy.
"Mama, what are you doing?"
"I'm in time out"
"Why?" "Did you break something?"
"Nope, I just need to regroup"
"Oh, well I better not talk to you because we don't talk to people in time out. I'll check back to see if you are ready to come out in a little bit."
Why is it so hard to say " Sometimes I really don't like my kids"? We all know it doesn't mean you don't love them. Or that you will neglect them in any way. Kids are relentless. If you spend time with them day in and day out (or night in and night out if you work days), there will come a time when you are sick of their shit. Throw in any type of behavioral, psychological, health, or learning issues and it just gets harder. Motherhood sucks sometimes (and the definition of "sometimes" is very fluid). We have to all agree that we will do whatever we have to to make it through this motherhood thing with our sanity in tact and our kids alive. So, to that mom that is buying their kid a candy bar at the checkout just so they will shut the hell up, I say, go ahead! Feel free to make a choice that others may judge. Ultimately, you know that you do the "right" thing as opposed to the easy thing as much as you can. So ignore the looks and know your doing a good job. Society teaches us that it is normal to judge others. I think we should give other moms a break (except the one lady who let her baby crawl around on the bathroom floor in a Walmart. Because seriously? That is nasty). This motherhood thing is hard and not always sunshine and rainbows.
For anyone who doesn't have kids yet, don't despair. Yes, it's at times. actually awful. It's tiring, stressful, and there will be days you don't want to do it anymore. But...
After about 5 minutes, Finn came back. She looked me dead in the eyes and in a tone of voice that I must use to talk calmly to her, she says "Are you calm? Are you ready to play nicely? You are? Okay, I love you, now lets go find a fun game to play."
And that, my friends was the return of the sunshine and rainbows."
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| Marian's beautiful children |
As my readers I want you to understand that you are not alone..Being a mom is hard. Like most things in life it has is ups and downs but I am a firm believer that you reap two times as much joy as hardship you endure. So, for every bad you have you will have two good day! Share your stories with your friends I bet you will find that they all can understand where you are coming from and have similar stories...and if they tell you different feel free to roll your eyes because they are not being honest..
Thank you so very much Marian for sharing your story with me..it made me smile and I am sure it will do the same for many other women. Also, your babies are beautiful!
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